Self Confidence


I sometimes get asked about ways to increase a persons self confidence and I wanted to share my answer with you. Of course this is potentially the subject of a whole book by itself so I will only be talking about a couple of ways here.

Problems with self-confidence are one of those things that nearly everyone experiences at some stage in their life. There can be many reasons it occurs that can range from childhood experiences and being constantly told negative things to having something happen as an adult that ‘takes the wind from your sails’.

Cheer up. You can work with it and build up your confidence with a little help from your old friend, your brain.

Be aware of your inner voice.
Take note of what you say to yourself during a normal day. The inner voice that we use to comment on life’s passing fancy should be watched to see what it actually says about ourselves and other people.

Be aware of when you say negative things about yourself and notice how it can affect you. That negative comment may not seem like much but you are programming or reinforcing that comment and that behaviour.

For instance if you tell yourself how stupid you are, that is a reinforcing statement that will increase a negative behaviour. You are telling your subconscious that’s what you want to be. If instead you said to yourself, “I am not stupid, I am extremely smart” then that is a positive behaviour modifier.
Watch that inner voice and see what you are saying to yourself.

Be aware that you’re not perfect and don’t be hard on yourself if you make mistakes. Just try not to make that same mistake again.

The expression ‘turn that frown upside down’ is pretty corny but is accurate enough for our purposes. Take notice of the expression you wear when you walk down the street. Are you frowning? Do you have a serious expression on your face? Why not smile a little instead. It doesn’t cost you anything and the benefits can run deep.

Being aware of others and how they can impact your self-opinion is something to watch out for.

Watch out for negative people.

In my life I have had much experience with negative people, I suspect when I was younger I was attracting them until I realized what I was doing.

There are some people in my life that I used to spend a lot of time with who seem to be the most negative people around. Surely you’ve heard of the expression, “The glass is half empty”? With these people the state of the glass didn’t matter since they were expecting to spill it’s contents or break the glass. Real depressing. Strangely enough, lots of bad things would happen to these people and they just couldn’t understand why.

They didn’t understand nor would they believe that the universe is what we make of it and the energy’s we put into it are what we get back. of course if you accept that as a basic truth then you should ask yourself a question. “What am I putting out into the universe”?

When you spend time with people who are negative it tends to bring you down. Sadly, sometimes they take delight in bringing down your mood as if it justifies their own behaviour and negative outlook.

If you care about them it can be difficult, but I recommend limiting your exposure to such people. Just because they want to be in a brown funk doesn’t mean you should be that way as well. Find those people in your life that will cheer you up and help you when you’re down. If you have trouble finding them, keep looking as they are out there.

Store up some positive experiences and reuse those experiences when necessary.
Everybody has some positive experience in his or her life. Things you have done that were good for you or some thing you’ve done that showed skill in a task or maybe just something you are proud about. In your mind, go back to those times and think about them. These are the positive experiences that can help you gain self-confidence.

I suggest that you find as many of these as you can and ‘bank’ them for a time when you are feeling down. It’s sounds complicated but is easy enough to do. Since the human memory can be fallible at times when we are depressed or feeling useless you should write these down.
This is done so when you need them it’s a simple matter to just go to where these have been put, read them and cheer yourself up.

When you write them down think those happy thoughts when you do and you will see a difference in your writing. It may sound weird but you should get as much positive energy into the writing as you can. This will help you when you need to read it back to yourself later. I am a firm believer that the way we write something is affected by how we feel when we write it. I also believe that indefinable something does come across to the reader when they read it, no matter how far in time or space is their separation.

Naturally there are more things that can be done for your self-confidence, but I wanted to keep this relatively short.

In Closing.
Your own mind and subconscious are what are controlling how you feel about things. Changing how your mind and subconscious react to events around you is what you need to do.
Whether it’s about confidence or paranoia or the inability to sleep. One of the most important aspects is to choose to change your life. In the end it’s all about choice.
Try to remember that you are special and unique in the scheme of things. As Carl Sagan used to say “We are Star Stuff”. Since the molecules in your body were once parts of the stars themselves it means there is a much of the wonder of the universe and of life in all of us. Naturally it is up to us to express that in all we do.

Best wishes
Kevin James

 Posted by at 5:10 pm